Hence embedded in the divine and righteous Man Chair smoking a Montecristo Cabinet Toro, slurping Nicaraguan coffee and staring out the Havana Room window at 15+ inches of snow on the ground, I am briefly distracted by the local newsbabe on the tube trying not to hyperventilate while she rehashes the snowfall totals and emergency declarations.
While I stare at the TV through the rich aromatic cigar smoke, my brain drifting back and forth between the doppler radar images and concocted images of what the newsbabe would like like in a Victoria's Secret push-up bra and matching thong, another vision pops into my under-caffeinated brain.
It's late 2009 and I am holed up with the Cretins in the Havana Room wallowing in my own ash covered stink following a weekend cigar and bourbon bender when somebody, it doesn't matter who, came up with the idea. The next two months are a blur until we find ourselves being air dropped on to the upper Mahoning Creek in north central Pennsylvania. Our provisions include cigars, coffee, and Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos. Our mission: terminate a rogue groundhog who has become "unhinged." His name is Kurtz, but his followers know him as Phil. We are equipped with various small arms, shoulder fired buck-tooth seeking missiles, and an M107 .50 cal Long Range Sniper Rifle.
After two days adrift, (because somebody dropped us up Mahoning Creek without a paddle) the current carried us to the outskirts of Punxsutawney very early on the morning of February 2nd. We devise a plan to disguise ourselves as drunken revelers in order to gain access to the perimeter surrounding Phil's controlled compound, Gobbler's Knob. It takes us approximately ten seconds to don our disguise.
What transpires over the next seven hours becomes the stuff of legend. The danger. The intrigue. The precision. Amid the height of the celebration, the intoxicated chaos and the ritual, a single shot timed perfectly with the knock of a cane on the tree stump door and it was done. All they found, in a nearby thicket, was a single cigar band. A calling card? Maybe. It read Gurkha Assassin.
If only. But for now, it's back to the newsbabe for the latest snow totals. Yeah, I got your 15 inches right here!
And that's the way I see it...From the Man Chair.
Episode #101 - LIVE from the Havana Room @ Chez Rob
Kicking off the next one hundred herfs, it's Blowin' Smoke #101!
In single digit temps, we gathered to herf once again and this time the Cigar of the Day was the Partagas Benji Master Series Majestuoso. A true master with many decades in the cigar business, this limited release cigar honors Benji Menendez. How did it stack up with the Cretins?
We also invited our tweeps on Twitter to join in the conversation with feedback on some of our topics like manly shower products, the recession and prostitution, politicians and their sin taxes, and more.
Plus, some audio from the recent annual Herf n Nog here in the Burgh, 5 Things from Cretin Kyle, and chatter about cigar names that are too long.
So, light up a fine cigar and listen in. It's Blowin' Smoke #101!
Celebrating the 100th episode of the Blowin' Smoke Podcast!
As we celebrated our 100th show, we went back to the very first Blowin' Smoke and herfed the same cigar...the Cuba Aliados Toro De Luxe Corojo. Listen for your chance to win a 5-pack of these cigars, plus a brand new ashtray that we have "pre-seasoned" for you during the show. How cool is that? Check out the pics of the ashtrays being broken in.
Our friends on Twitter also had a chance to win during the show. Check out the fun by following the show at Twitter.com/BlowinSmoke.
We also checked out listener emails, voicemails and 5 Things submitted by a dedicated listener, as well as some interesting stories found online.
So, fire up a special handmade and join us as we celebrate 100 episodes of the Blowin' Smoke Podcast. Here's to 100 more! Cheers & long ashes!
From the Man Chair - A Bit Nipply
Posted: 2010-01-07
Hence embedded in the divine and righteous mobile Man Chair with the smoke of a Montecristo Classic Toro wafting through a crack in the window as I navigated the highways and byways of western Pennsylvania in January I realized again how much winter weather sucks, especially when it comes to smoking cigars.
I could go on about all the other reasons why winter weather sucks like home heating bills, idiots who think an SUV makes them impervious to black ice, hat head, and layered clothing to name a few, but when it screws with my cigar enjoyment, I really get pissed. Often, a little bit of cigar time goes a long way toward making all the crappy winter weather stuff more tolerable. Winter weather with the snow, ice and bone chilling cold, however, tends to dampen herfing spirits as more folks opt to stay in than deal with all the extra bull crap involved with just getting from Point A to Point Herf. Smoking bans have all but eliminated places to light up and a local cigar shop isn't always an option. Sure there is the old garage herf, but without some basic creature comforts like, I don't know…heat and a place to pee that doesn't make your 'nads climb up to your pancreas, it loses its luster quickly. I'm lucky to have the famous Havana Room where the super fantastic Blowin' Smoke Podcast emanates from, but waiting for the kerosene heaters to kick in can be a buzz kill when it's 10 below outside. I know. Maybe I shouldn't complain too much.
No matter how you slice it, winter weather herfing is generally not as easy as warm weather herfing, but it's not just location, location, location. So, I have assembled my list of 5 ways winter weather screws with my herfing.
5) Torch lighters and cold temps do not compliment one another. Wind proof my ass.
4) Fragile wrappers become exploding wrappers in cold temps.
2) Snot drippings tend to negatively influence a cigar's nuances.
1) Driving with a cigar in one hand and a Blackberry in the other is less safe when it is snowing.
You brothers and sisters of the leaf herfin' away in the warmer climates this time of year, smoke one for us Yankees up north. And tell Al Gore he's full of shit too.
And that's the way I see it…From the Man Chair.
Episode #99 - LIVE from the Havana Room @ Chez Rob
Still in recovery from the holiday celebrations, it's Blowin' Smoke #99! Happy New Year!
We kicked off the new year with a mystery cigar of the day and talked up the holidays, new year traditions, and cigar resolutions. We also punched up the Blowin' Smoke voicemail for some listener feedback and opened the email bag too. Along with input from our Twitter followers, we also talked about possible new endorsements for Tiger, things that are better than sex and the reasons why men, yes, men, fake orgasms.
All this plus our Don Gonzalez Cigars / Blowin' Smoke Fantasy Football winner, a reminder to enter our contest to win a signed box of Rocky Patel cigars and more. So, grab a favorite cigar from the holiday humidor, spark it up and join us for Blowin' Smoke #99 as we herf in 2010. Happy New Year!
Trying really hard to figure out the naughty vs. nice thing, it's Blowin' Smoke #98!
A big show and a big Cigar of the Day with the Gurkha Dragon Fury taking honors this time, and the Cretins were more than happy to take it for a spin. See what they have to say about this 7 X 50 pleasure stick. Also on Blowin' Smoke #98 is a chance for you to win a signed box of Rocky Patel Vintage 1990 Toro Tubos! Listen to find out how!
Also on board, El Freako's dinner with Rocky, bling for your baby or babies are bling, you decide, discounted sex at the climate summit, and more. Plus a new 5 Things to help you with Christmas shopping, an important nog announcement, and listener emails and voicemails.
The annual post-holiday stress-relieving herf is back! Join us at Allegheny Smokeworks, the home of the Herf n Nog, for an afternoon of good friends, fine cigars, homemade egg nog and a ton of bullshit!
Bring along some food or drinks to share (not required) and some of your own homemade egg nog, if you dare! We'll spend the afternoon eatin', drinkin' and herfin'!
Mike and the gang at Allegheny Smokeworks will have the humidor stuffed, as usual, and some great post-holiday deals too.
Questions? Drop us a line via the contact link.
From the Man Chair - Lest I Offend
Posted: 2009-12-04
Hence embedded in the divine and righteous Man Chair with a Gran Habano 3 Siglos robusto and a mug of Torcedor Coffee Cabinet Blend, I found myself offended. Not at the fact that my son yatched up formula all over my shoulder and down my back, or the fact that my trusty triple flame torch lighter refuses to work in temps below 50 degrees Fahrenheit, but at the fact that everybody else is so easily offended.
Every time you turn around, somebody is whining about being offended. This is the season we see and hear a lot of this infantile garbage with bunches of it focused on Christmas. When did we become such pussies that the expression "Merry Christmas" actually offends someone? A tree offends you? A TV commercial making fun of the mob offends you? Please. Grow a pair and grow up. Live your own life and stop trying to change mine based upon your mental shortcomings.
'Tis the season, though. So, in the spirit of bandwagon bitching, I'd like to take a moment and offer up some of the things that offend ME. Here goes.
Smoking bans. I am, at least I think I am, a free American engaging in a legal activity that is already disproportionately taxed. A legal business, such as a bar or restaurant, should be free to decide what their individual smoking situation should be. It offends me when both individuals and businesses are forced out of choice and into regulation of a legal activity.
Cigars that under-perform. Not cigars that are a personal dislike along subjective lines like taste, strength or appearance, but cigars that are plugged, poorly finished or don't burn well. When I drop a Hamilton or more on one of your cigars and it falls to pieces or I have to fight with it, that offends me. The goal is to relax and enjoy. Make it so. See the pictures below.
Politicians. Everything you do involves taking from someone. Every time you speak, it costs us money. When you can look me in the eye and tell me that a 2000 + page pile of dung is going to save us money, you offend me. Shut up. Do nothing. Get out of our way.
Misguided youth. Just because you graduated from high school or college doesn't mean the world owes you a thing. Be it a six figure salary or health insurance, you are young, inexperienced and stupid. You offend me. Turn off the reality shows, get a job or two and earn your way up.
Windproof lighters that aren't. If the act of lighting a cigar blows out your flame, that isn't windproof and that offends me. I want to hear an F-14 afterburner in my hand when I click.
Finally, holiday sales. Look, Sparky, you're not fooling anybody. It's a Christmas sale. This is the time of the year where you can win or lose, live or die and it's not because of the winter solstice. It's because it's Christmas and people are buying Christmas gifts. When you give in to PC while sticking your hand out to me, that offends me. Christmas or otherwise, call it what it is.
Time for a refill on the coffee. I hope the fabulous Girl Wonder lets me back in. Apparently she was offended by the requests to pull my finger. Typical.
And that's the way I see it...From the Man Chair.
Episode #97 - LIVE from the Havana Room @ Chez Rob
Finally awakening from our turkey-induced slumber, it's Blowin' Smoke #97!
Gather 'round the leftovers, children, and let the Blowin' Smoke Cretins tell you about the new Cigar of the Day...the new Brick House Toro from J.C. Newman and the latest pairing in the Cigar Match: Rumble in the Bundle. Along with a new Minute with Travis and 5 Things, we also talked about weird beer names, weird ball games and really weird widower games.
As if that's not enough, there's another great gift idea for mom straight from China. She'll love it!
So, grab a drink and spark a cigar! It's Blowin' Smoke #97 straight ahead!
LIVE from Slippery Rock Cigars in scenic Slippery Rock, Pennsylvania, it's the Blowin' Smoke Podcast Big Ass 4th Birthday!
With a packed house and a dense cloud of smoke, we celebrated another year of on-demand herf excellence...the Blowin' Smoke Podcast. Many thanks to all our sponsors and especially you, our listeners, without whom none of this would be possible.
With big ass birthday cake waiting, and plenty of beer, bourbon and scotch, we sparked up a new Cigar of the Day...the new Uppercut from Punch. With a name like that, you're gonna want to hear what the Council of Cretins had to say about it. AND, Joe at Slippery Rock Cigars has some great deals for you heard only on this show and they are for a limited time. So, pay attention!
We also checked out the latest Cigar Match statistics with the official Blowin' Smoke statistician, a new 5 Things, some poetry to get you into the holiday cigar spirit, and a new Minute with Travis. Plus, listener email and much more including the links below.
So, grab a fine cigar, your favorite adult beverage, and celebrate 4 years of the Blowin' Smoke Podcast along with us! Thank you for listening and stay tuned for even bigger and better things in the coming weeks and months right here on Blowin' Smoke! Long ashes!
From the Man Chair - Evolution: From Birth to Herf
Posted: 2009-11-05
Hence embedded in the divine and righteous Man Chair with a Don Gonzalez Corojo Robusto, I got to thinking about the recent changes in the conversations between your Freako and the fabulous Girl Wonder.
What used to be the sharing of mindless stories of the day's happenings at the orifice, discussions of the latest political ankle grabbing in Washington, or the current drama bubbling up from our collective families has been replaced by talk about the baby. Of course it has. There's a baby in the house and life pretty much revolves around the baby for a while, but I recently realized a close relationship between the baby topics of conversation and the average herf conversations that take place everywhere.
With a baby, you talk about naps. At a herf, you talk about cigars.
With a baby, you talk about how many bottles baby has had. At a herf, you talk about how many cigars you've had.
With baby, you talk about baby's development and learning. At a herf, you talk about your cigar history, the cigars you enjoy currently and why.
With a baby, you talk about poopy diapers and describe the contents relative to diet. At a herf, you talk about various cigars and describe their flavor, strength and body relative to the tobaccos in them.
With a baby, you relate baby's temperment with his diet and sleep schedule. At a herf, you relate cigars to various drink pairings, meals and times of day.
See what I mean? Sure there is small talk, political banter and general ball busting at a herf too, but the basics are almost always estabished early on to open the door for the other stuff.
I think when I introduce my son to the herf as a young man, in addition to the box of cigars I have set aside until his 18th or 21st birthday, I'll bring out the pictures of him as he is today at exactly one month old and try to recall the way his mother and I feel right now about him coming into our lives. Then, after some father/son formalities, begin a new era of herfing for me. Herfing with my son...something I never got to do with my dad. What awaits us between birth and herf remains to be seen, but those cigars will certainly be worth waiting for.
And that's the way I see it...From the Man Chair.
Episode #95 - LIVE from the Havana Room @ Chez Rob
All treats with maybe a couple tricks, it's Blowin' Smoke #95!
LIVE from the Havana Room your Freako along with the Council of Cretins are back with a brand new Cigar of the Day...the new Arturo Fuente Chateau Pyramid. Plus, voicemail from listeners, email too, and plenty of Halloween talk from childhood memories to adults only trick or treating. Thanks to our Tweeps on Twitter for their input!
Also, risky behavior for prostate cancer, best conception behavior, drunken behavior with lawn mowers, and more. Travis shares another Minute with us too, and a listener provided 5 Things for us this time.
It's all right here on Blowin' Smoke #95! Spark one up and join us!
Armed with a Masters degree in advanced lactation studies, it's Blowin' Smoke #94!
The herfin' is back on track following the arrival of El Freako, Jr. along with a full roundtable of Cretins, and a new Cigar of the Day...the new Rocky Patel 1961 Torpedo. Thanks to our followers on Twitter for helping us choose the new Cigar of the Day for this show.
We announced a new way for you to contact Blowin' Smoke and maybe be a part of the show too. We also checked out some great listener emails, including one with a new way to enjoy the show, and took on a new Minute with Travis and 5 Things. Somehow the conversation, along with input from our Twitter Tweeps, turned a little R rated with talk of the lactation loonies, bikini coffee shops, strict laws against wearing a bra, and brothels that offer discounts for being 'green'. Speaking of coffee, the Cretins were enjoying Torcedor Coffee during the show.
So, join us for the best herf you'll attend this week...Blowin' Smoke #94!
From the Man Chair - Suck On This
Posted: 2009-10-15
Hence embedded in the divine and righteous Man Chair with a Rocky Patel ITC 10th Anniversary Robusto and a mug of Nicaraguan Torcedor Coffee, I am thinking about boobs.
Yeah. What else is new? But I'm not thinking about boobs in the usual way. This is different.
You may have heard that the Girl Wonder and I recently had a baby boy. If you have ever had a child of your own or visited someone who has in the hospital, chances are you have experienced the lacto-nazis. Every birthing unit of every hospital and most OB/GYN offices have at least one lacto-nazi lurking around at all times. Their job is to befriend, indoctrinate, coerce and convert new and expectant mothers into the world of breast feeding come hell or high water. They prey on young fearful first time mothers who are already questioning their nurturing potential with all the raging hormones coursing through their veins. They sneak up on you, although a trained eye can easily spot them first. They loiter. They wear ID tags, but don't wear scrubs. They wait for that moment of weakness and they pounce! And like that, we guys get a time out and our toys taken away. No boobs! It sucks...literally.
Now let me be very clear. Breast feeding is a wonderful thing. From the bonding between mom and baby to the unmatched health benefits for baby, breast feeding is, hands down, the best. However, it is not the only choice and it is not always a choice for a number of reasons. You new moms and dads need to know that your choice to nurse or not or anything in between is your choice period and no one can or should judge you on your choice whatever it is or is not.
Back to the boobs. For several days, I watched quietly as two high ranking members of the lacto-gestapo worked their magic on the Girl Wonder. They grabbed, held, cupped, squeezed, pinched, tweaked, shook, kneaded, rolled, and jiggled my wife's boobs. And they didn't have to mow the lawn, do the dishes or buy her jewelry! They even hooked her up to pumps, hoses, tubes and gizmos called the Suck-Master 3000 or something. If I came at her with a gadget like that, the Girl Wonder would have me committed.
It was then, as I was being boobie-blocked by the lacto-nazis, that I wondered why I couldn't have a gig like that. Travel the world...play with boobs. I'm perfectly qualified. A quick refresher course and I'd be up to speed on the latest health information on breast feeding. I'm detail oriented. I'm a good listener. I can start immediately. And I love boobs. Why couldn't I do it? Oh, that's right. I'm a guy. That would be weird...or would it?
